Affirmative Thoughts

Maria Ramos (not her real name) sat gleefully with 6 acceptance letters to medical school: Columbia, Cornell, NYU, U Penn, Downstate and Syracuse.

I sat next to her with zero letters even though my GPA, MCAT scores, and extracurricular activities exceeded hers.

And the degree of burn was exacerbated by the fact that no matter which medical school she chose to attend, the tuition would be waived or reduced.

Maria hadn’t competed for a seat--the seats were competing  for her.

Our game of musical chairs was rigged in her favor—with the truth being that her destination was reserved.

It is a bee that has been rumbling around in my bonnet since April of 1982.

It’s the same bee that was squashed by the Supreme Court last week when the Michigan law to ban affirmative action was upheld.

And while I have  evolved to be okay with things like tuition abatements, scholarships based on ethnicity and free academic tutoring/intervention for the underprivileged,  I cannot buy into anything other than academic merit being the tipping criteria for college and professional school  entry.

I cannot help but think that admission should be blind—in every way--- including to legacies and star oboe players.

Brainpower should be the only affirming action.

I believe in diverse thinkers-- housed in diverse (or not) outer coatings.

And I do so, even if such beliefs ironically makes me a little bit racist.

Faith

Professor Ansbro, an unmovable Catholic, haughtily stood in front of the classroom and announced that Saint Thomas Aquinas was the greatest theologian that had ever lived because he has used reason to prove the existence of God.

The professor then reeled off all five proofs in  Reader’s Digest form from Aquinas’ Summa Theologica.

I sat there and thought If Thomas Aquinas had really proven the existence of God back in the thirteenth century, why were there still so many non-believers walking the earth?

And so I politely  raised my hand and interjected: Dr. Ansbro-- isn’t the idea that you can prove the existence of God kind of heretical? Isn’t it presumptuous to think God can be reduced to an if/then statement? Isn’t belief in God an issue of faith which by definition means that which is unprovable?

The professor, clearly annoyed with the interruption responded So I guess you think you know more than Saint Thomas?

And then he went on with his lesson with no opportunity for me to respond Uh yeah—I do.

But as I sat at my desk quite irritated that this smug man had put me in the corner, I concluded Well actually this professor has just proven my point: reason cannot prevail when it comes to God—it’s all about faith. Dr. Ansbro had no faith in me and my argument and I had no faith in him and his argument.

Neither one of us could prove anything with logic.

And that is what this week is about for both Christians and Jews— faith--belief in that which is counterintuitive—accepting  truth in the mysterious.

Faith is something that is completely subjective--not objective. Reason does not presuppose what the the heart supposes.

When it comes to God, logic is merely a supportive afterthought.

And so my Theological Synthesis (Summa Theologica) pares itself down to this: whether you are sitting at a Seder or at mass or just with family at Easter dinner this week, as the wine and bread (leavened or not) passes among the gathered, God is there nodding in approval—extending grace—accepting thanks--- offering reward--- if and especially if, one has faith.

Happy Easter and Passover.

Phone calls with Nonny

She never consulted her calendar to calculate the elapsed time between phone calls.

She never compared my conversation with that of my seven cousins.

When she spoke not only did I feel as though I was the most important person in her world, I felt as though I was the only person in her world.

She never wallowed in the tedium of her geriatric days, she only cheered on the busyness of my youth.

Her laugh was intoxicating—she emitted selfless love.

Nonny lived life in the moment. She savored time—dispensing with the inconsequential. 

She understood the sun holds more attraction than the moon.

She is who I aspire to.

She is the one I miss the most.

And so even if I am perhaps feeling a bit ignored, I never answer a call with Why so long? Instead I turn it 180 degrees it into Yayy!!! So happy to hear your voice!!

I always want to be a choice—and not a chore.

I want to share the joy of engagement, not the scold of an overly tasked life.

Because if I emulate Nonny—she lives. If I emit positivity, then Nonny cannot ever be forgotten.

And I never want Nonny to be forgotten.

Because everyone deserves a bit of her in their world—everyone deserves a gift of pure love.

April Fools

(get it?)