Keyless Ignitions

When my last tuition check was paid, my father bought a chocolate brown  Chrysler New Yorker. He loved it—but for its trendy feature: the car spoke. It was a novel advance in technology that quickly grew old.

Two of my cars have keyless ignitions. A sensor in the steering column or the dashboard detects the presence of a key. And with the simple touch of a button, the car starts.

It was fun at first. I did not have to dig into my handbag to find my keys nor did I have to lock or unlock my doors—the sensor did it for me. But the fact that the driver need not be responsible for the key’s possession at all times has created more issues than not.

I have left my car running in parking garages in Manhattan and walked away with the key. I once had my daughter drop me off at home, drive to town, and upon reaching her destination realized the key was hanging in the mudroom. And if that wasn’t annoying enough, one winter morning I peered out into the driveway to see exhaust escaping the tail pipe—I had not shut the engine off. I wasted an hour’s worth of gas.

I am too irresponsible or absentminded to have a keyless ignition.

And the reason I imagine that talking cars fell to the wayside is the rise in anger management. When a vehicle reminds you every 10 minutes that the windshield wiper fluid is low it triggers a cascade of not-so-nice words. And the ensuing fury intensifies the likelihood of an accident.

Sometimes technology does not propel mankind forward—especially when you are stuck with a gasless car in the driveway.