Pulled Muscles

The comedian Dana Garvey, as part of his stand-up routine, does a bit about turning 50 and how the littlest thing leads to physical injury. One discovers aches in parts of the body that have no business calling themselves to attention.

And on Friday morning while I was in bed and chose to simply roll over from my right side to my left, I pulled the muscle that begins just under the arm pit and swings down diagonally to the spine. It is a muscle that has remained silent for 52 years.

I believe it is called my Latissimus dorsi but I am not sure--it’s been too many years since I studied anatomy. All I know is it hurts to breathe—and turn—and do anything with the left side of my body. And had someone been standing outside my bedroom door they might have mistaken the sounds that emanated from my larynx as sounds of passion—but I assure you they were not. They were sounds of pain and downright annoyance.

And so I self-medicated. Because I am of an age where anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxants are within arm’s reach at all times---the heating pad too.

And Dana Garvey ripped the tendon in his arm simply by reaching over and answering the phone. He got tennis elbow by sitting on his couch. That answered phone call warranted him wearing an air cast with weeks of physical therapy.

 So I can only imagine what life will be like after age 60 or 70 or 80.

 I will probably pull the muscles in my eyelids waking up from a midday nap by then.