On Wedding Ceremonies

I am not ashamed in any way to admit that the primary reason my husband and I chose to have a nuptial mass for our wedding was to waste time. We sought to narrow the time gap between the church service and the cocktail hour.

When a wedding invitation arrives it is met with a flurry of anxiety filled questions all of which center around the ceremony: Where and when is it? Do we have to go? Is it close to the reception? How much dead time is there in between? Do I have time to go back home and change? Who else is going and does that mean I have to go too? Should I wear the same outfit? Is it a mass or are they just running in to say their “I do’s?”

All this inquiry completely clouds the fact that the ceremony should be the highlight of the day. The most visually and emotionally filling experience is the bride walking down the aisle, the father kissing her good bye, and the look in the groom’s eye as he gazes at his soon-to-be wife.

And yet it is this very part of the day which is often missed because of logistics.

But I have noticed an increasing trend. More and more brides and grooms are choosing to say their vows at the reception venue rather than in a church. It eliminates the Should we go? debate and ensures a captive audience. Guests, in full regalia, are handed glasses of champagne before the ceremony and are handed a few more as they walk the hundred steps directly to the cocktail hour.

This fusion of ceremony with reception constructs a personal, dignified exchange of vows with a built-in pre-game.

It is seamless.

This trend, in most every way, is perfect.

And when my husband and I opted for our nuptial mass we ended up receiving much more than we bargained for. For sure, we wasted everyone’s time. Father Hickey, the celebrant, was completely incoherent in his newly found sobriety. His homily eternally rambled in a meaningless circle with the only remarkable observation being that Karen loved Arthur and Arthur loved Karen.

He topped it off by forgetting to say You may kiss the bride--which added to the awkwardness.

It would seem that Father Hickey’s game (as well as ours) was desperate for some pre-game.

So much for best laid plans-- and sober living.