Paula Deen

My father referred to the malady as: diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain.

It well described the syndrome of a person disengaged in rational thought and then spewing its refuge uncontrollably.

A few of my daughters fell victim from time to time to this illness during their adolescence. And when the spillage of verbal mess nearly approached its crescendo I would often place my hand over their mouth to muffle the words. I would say Shut up—you are only making things worse.

And that was all I could think of when I watched Paula Deen self-destruct recently on television. Most definitely she had the malady my father described. Her brain seized and the discourse was foul.  I listened to her words and thought Have you lost your mind? What part of politically incorrect do you not understand? And where are your people? Don’t you pay someone to do what I used to do—put a hand over your mouth and force you to stop talking?  

And while some may have deemed my forced muffle as child abuse—I deemed it as child rescue. My forced hand intervention prevented the child from certain death. Had the child continued to speak I would have committed justifiable homicide.

And had someone responsibly intervened and properly coached Paula Deen, butter addicts everywhere would be a lot happier. And so would the thousands of people who had formerly worked for her and now find themselves gainfully unemployed--all because of her stupidity.