I Think I'll Pass

I admit that my heart began to beat a little bit faster.

For a hot New York second I thought opportunity was knocking.

The employment ad was placed not just in the Garden City News but was also    reposted on Facebook as well.

It seemed the local newpaper, a.k.a. the town rag, was looking for a part time reporter.

I thought with confidence and humility: I could do that—afterall  it  wasn’t the NY Times or the Washington Post. I surely had enough skill. And certainly I had enough writing samples to submit with my resume.

I was nearly intoxicated with the thought-- I imagined sitting ona  sofa at some point in the future with Katie Couric describing how I went from being a blogger to a reporter to a Pulitzer Prize winning Edward R. Murrow journalist.

My award had been  won by finally exposing Who shot Kennedy?

I was an icon sure to be on the cover of Time magazine.

And then I snapped back into reality.

It occurred to me that the ad said I would be obligated to attend Board of Education and Village Board meetings----which was definitely a problem: they are held at 8 pm on week nights. By 8 pm on weeknights I am already in my comfy clothes and on the couch with a blanket.  And I am pretty sure that if I wore my comfy clothes with a blanket at a BOE or village meeting they might disregard me as a homeless mental patient rather than a serious reporter.

But there were added issues—even more troublesome than attire. I suspected that reporters were supposed to sit quietly and not publically call into question audience members or elected persons for their non-sequiturs during the proceedings ---it just wasn’t the forum.

Furthermore I also would think that the conservative editor of the Garden City News might edit out my very succinct yet descriptive nouns as they related to a sporadic few of the attendees on either side of the table: narcissist, buffoon, charlatan, autocrat.

My style might be too Comedy Central and not enough NBC Nightly News—my reporting might have way too much snark and bark instead of vanilla bathed in vanilla.

My personality tilts more towards Jon Stewart than Brian Williams.

And so I chose to pass on the opportunity--it wasn’t a knock as much as a thud. I am pretty sure that The Garden City News would not embrace me or my truth. And so at least for now, Karenland will remain my immediate destination, and Katie Couric will have to find a different well imagined couch to sit on.