On Date Dances

 I was totally feeling like I was all that.

It was an honor that only a select few would share. I knew exactly what I would wear, which table I would be sitting at, and what song I would dance to if I won.

But for all my attention to detail I had forgotten the biggest one of all: Every Snow Ball princess at Our Lady of Victory Academy required an escort for the dance. And I (unfortunately), was a Snow Ball princess without one.

In December of 2001, not only was my eldest daughter a freshman at the high school, but I was also freshman among parents at the high school PTA meetings. Many of the questions asked of the principal were high stake and emotionally charged—it was commensurate with the fact that every day at the high school brought highly charged and highly staked challenges.

And it was at this meeting that a mother stood up to state that she was offended by the school’s policy regarding date dances. She wanted to ban mandatory dates for attendance. The mother was tired of seeing her daughter faced with rejection every winter anticipating a Winter Wonderland invite and tired of seeing her daughter rejected every spring when she offered a boy an invite to the Spring Fling.

The principal nodded empathically and simply said: I completely understand as a parent, a principal, as well as a former guidance counselor how difficult it is to see a child disappointed. No one wants their child to endure emotional pain. I am sorry that your daughter has not had a positive experience. But I stand firmly on this issue—a huge part of the learning curve in high school is developing social skills. Boys need to learn how to talk to girls and girls need to learn how to talk to boys. Figuring out the whole date/dating process is a part of growing up---and a part of dating and social interaction is rejection---and dealing with it. And while it is a parent’s instinct to protect their child, sometimes you must allow them to trip and fall so they may learn how to get back up…

The woman remained unconvinced.

 And my road to finding a date for the Snow Ball was not a highway. When an ice storm struck the day of the dance, it was postponed. The escort I had secured was not available for the rescheduled event—he had to go back to school—in Nebraska. And so I was forced to ask the son of my parent’s friends to escort me---which was awkward on too many levels.

And even though Susan Gleeson went on to wear the queen’s crown, Tommy and I still had fun at the dance (the pre-game helped).

And as each of my own daughters navigated through the whole date dance process, I let the chips fall where they may—even when it was difficult. I knew it wasn’t my job to intervene--- even though I really wanted to.  I knew it was something they had to work on or at themselves. They were better, not worse for the wear.

They would survive—in spite of or because of the drama.

Because lessons learned avert a lessened learn.