Women Are Crazy

I am not opposed to purple—if it is the paint color of a Victorian or a house somewhere tropical .

But I am opposed to purple—even as an accent color—if it is on an English Tudor.

Which is why I became crazed just a little tiny bit when I opened the tester for my soon to be restored/painted front door and noticed that it was not slate blue as the chip depicted, but mimeograph purple.

And so I drove up to the Sherwin William store to suggest to the salesman that an error had been made and request  that the correct color tester might be remade.

What I was met with was The computer does not make mistakes and then The paint always looks different in the container than when it is dry.

And so he dipped some paper into the sample and used the dryer to prove me wrong only to find that the paint when dry was an even  deeper shade of purple—not slate blue.

Yet the salesman still would not accept that there was an error and  quipped “well the color is off because it is such a small sample—if we make it up  in a quart it will be fine.”

I responded I have a hard time believing what you are saying is true since the color of all my other paint samples were true to the chip. But, if you can guarantee me that if you make up a quart of paint with that same formula and that it will no longer be purple, I would be willing to buy it.

So he made up the quart---and it was still purple.

The man said What color are you painting your stucco and trim?

Graphite gray for the trim and windows and very pale gray for the stucco I said.

The saleman snapped then your door should be red—that’s what people do.

I said I am not people.—and I  am not a red person.

He said isn’t there brick on your house? Then the door should be red.

I said there is also blue stone on my house which is why I want a slate blue door. I know you can color match—just color match me a quart of paint the color of the slate blue chip.

Annoyed, he got the mixologist who took out the purple and added more black resulting in the perfect (while still a bit off from the chip) slate blue hue of exterior paint.

And as I walked out of the door satisfied yet miffed  I was reminded of something George Carlin once said Women are crazy. Men are stupid. And the reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

George Carlin was one smart man.