Picking Up the Check

I heard a story recently about a few couples who went out to dinner and one of them picked up the check.

It seems that the person who chose to pick up the check likely did so just so they could tell everyone else about their deed.

I have a little problem with this.

Rule #1 Do not offer to pick up the check unless you are sincere in your offer. If you have the slightest desire to complain or advertise the fact that you took out your American Express card, keep your card in your wallet. Split the bill.

Rule #2 If you are not sincere in your desire to pay for your seated company, do not add insult to injury by insisting it’s my treat when the other party says no no no.

Rule #3 if you feel morally bound to pick up the check—do so and shut up about it. Think of it like wearing a thong—while mandatory at times—it is indecent to reveal its wear.

Rule #4 If you are seated with an insincere person who insists on picking up the check just so that they can advertise their pseudo-generosity, even if you must spend time in the kitchen peeling potatoes to pay your monetary debt, do not allow them to buy your food and beverages. Suck the wind out of their sails by keeping the dust intact in their wallets.

Because while it is more blessed to give than to receive; humility makes men twice honorable. It is the tree of silence that bears the fruit of peace.