Affirmative Thoughts

Maria Ramos (not her real name) sat gleefully with 6 acceptance letters to medical school: Columbia, Cornell, NYU, U Penn, Downstate and Syracuse.

I sat next to her with zero letters even though my GPA, MCAT scores, and extracurricular activities exceeded hers.

And the degree of burn was exacerbated by the fact that no matter which medical school she chose to attend, the tuition would be waived or reduced.

Maria hadn’t competed for a seat--the seats were competing  for her.

Our game of musical chairs was rigged in her favor—with the truth being that her destination was reserved.

It is a bee that has been rumbling around in my bonnet since April of 1982.

It’s the same bee that was squashed by the Supreme Court last week when the Michigan law to ban affirmative action was upheld.

And while I have  evolved to be okay with things like tuition abatements, scholarships based on ethnicity and free academic tutoring/intervention for the underprivileged,  I cannot buy into anything other than academic merit being the tipping criteria for college and professional school  entry.

I cannot help but think that admission should be blind—in every way--- including to legacies and star oboe players.

Brainpower should be the only affirming action.

I believe in diverse thinkers-- housed in diverse (or not) outer coatings.

And I do so, even if such beliefs ironically makes me a little bit racist.

Faith

Professor Ansbro, an unmovable Catholic, haughtily stood in front of the classroom and announced that Saint Thomas Aquinas was the greatest theologian that had ever lived because he has used reason to prove the existence of God.

The professor then reeled off all five proofs in  Reader’s Digest form from Aquinas’ Summa Theologica.

I sat there and thought If Thomas Aquinas had really proven the existence of God back in the thirteenth century, why were there still so many non-believers walking the earth?

And so I politely  raised my hand and interjected: Dr. Ansbro-- isn’t the idea that you can prove the existence of God kind of heretical? Isn’t it presumptuous to think God can be reduced to an if/then statement? Isn’t belief in God an issue of faith which by definition means that which is unprovable?

The professor, clearly annoyed with the interruption responded So I guess you think you know more than Saint Thomas?

And then he went on with his lesson with no opportunity for me to respond Uh yeah—I do.

But as I sat at my desk quite irritated that this smug man had put me in the corner, I concluded Well actually this professor has just proven my point: reason cannot prevail when it comes to God—it’s all about faith. Dr. Ansbro had no faith in me and my argument and I had no faith in him and his argument.

Neither one of us could prove anything with logic.

And that is what this week is about for both Christians and Jews— faith--belief in that which is counterintuitive—accepting  truth in the mysterious.

Faith is something that is completely subjective--not objective. Reason does not presuppose what the the heart supposes.

When it comes to God, logic is merely a supportive afterthought.

And so my Theological Synthesis (Summa Theologica) pares itself down to this: whether you are sitting at a Seder or at mass or just with family at Easter dinner this week, as the wine and bread (leavened or not) passes among the gathered, God is there nodding in approval—extending grace—accepting thanks--- offering reward--- if and especially if, one has faith.

Happy Easter and Passover.

Phone calls with Nonny

She never consulted her calendar to calculate the elapsed time between phone calls.

She never compared my conversation with that of my seven cousins.

When she spoke not only did I feel as though I was the most important person in her world, I felt as though I was the only person in her world.

She never wallowed in the tedium of her geriatric days, she only cheered on the busyness of my youth.

Her laugh was intoxicating—she emitted selfless love.

Nonny lived life in the moment. She savored time—dispensing with the inconsequential. 

She understood the sun holds more attraction than the moon.

She is who I aspire to.

She is the one I miss the most.

And so even if I am perhaps feeling a bit ignored, I never answer a call with Why so long? Instead I turn it 180 degrees it into Yayy!!! So happy to hear your voice!!

I always want to be a choice—and not a chore.

I want to share the joy of engagement, not the scold of an overly tasked life.

Because if I emulate Nonny—she lives. If I emit positivity, then Nonny cannot ever be forgotten.

And I never want Nonny to be forgotten.

Because everyone deserves a bit of her in their world—everyone deserves a gift of pure love.

April Fools

(get it?)

Changes to the SAT

The professor said at orientation: The biggest difference between college courses and  graduate school courses is the rigor of the testing. While multiple choice exams are the assessment of choice in undergraduate classes, multiple-multiple choice exams are the assessment of choice in post graduate classes.

In other words:  gone were the days of picking out the correct answer from the 5 or 6 listed after each question. I was now going to deal exclusively with things that read something like A only, B only, A and C only, All of the above or None of the above.

It was a whole new layer of choice.

The objective of this exercise in assessment was to be discerning. The intent was to measure academic skill; but in all this type of assessment measured was one’s gaming skills. One was forced to gamble whether in the sea of almost correct answers, which one, if any or some or all or neither tipped the scale into fully correct.

Every multiple-multiple choice was a calculated lottery pick.

Which circles me into to the SAT and its new upcoming changes. Because whereas things like analogies ( e.g. minutes is to recorder as trick is to…..) have been edited out of the exam for about 10 years now, the grading system  has remained the same for just about eternity.

The college board finally figured out that the exam, by nature of the fact that correct answers receive a point, unanswered questions received no points, and wrong answers received a -1/4 point penalty, played havoc with a student’s decision making process. Every filled-in #2 dot was a gamble. It was a situation such that understanding the gaming was as important as understanding the expected content.

And so finally the SAT will be scored fairly---no more penalties for wrong answers. Students may focus on the best choice and not whether that choice will hurt them.

Students will no longer have to worry about  how to take the exam---they will only need to worry about straight-up performance.

It will level the playing field.

Because games ought to be played only on fields and x-boxes, and not in classrooms  as a part of high stake academic assessments.

And minutes  is to recorder as trick is to trickster---not educator.

Hashtag

My daughter texted me: Ugh every time she invites me on her boat I can’t go #whitegirlproblems.

I thought: #neverhadthosewhitegirlproblems.

On Date Dances

 I was totally feeling like I was all that.

It was an honor that only a select few would share. I knew exactly what I would wear, which table I would be sitting at, and what song I would dance to if I won.

But for all my attention to detail I had forgotten the biggest one of all: Every Snow Ball princess at Our Lady of Victory Academy required an escort for the dance. And I (unfortunately), was a Snow Ball princess without one.

In December of 2001, not only was my eldest daughter a freshman at the high school, but I was also freshman among parents at the high school PTA meetings. Many of the questions asked of the principal were high stake and emotionally charged—it was commensurate with the fact that every day at the high school brought highly charged and highly staked challenges.

And it was at this meeting that a mother stood up to state that she was offended by the school’s policy regarding date dances. She wanted to ban mandatory dates for attendance. The mother was tired of seeing her daughter faced with rejection every winter anticipating a Winter Wonderland invite and tired of seeing her daughter rejected every spring when she offered a boy an invite to the Spring Fling.

The principal nodded empathically and simply said: I completely understand as a parent, a principal, as well as a former guidance counselor how difficult it is to see a child disappointed. No one wants their child to endure emotional pain. I am sorry that your daughter has not had a positive experience. But I stand firmly on this issue—a huge part of the learning curve in high school is developing social skills. Boys need to learn how to talk to girls and girls need to learn how to talk to boys. Figuring out the whole date/dating process is a part of growing up---and a part of dating and social interaction is rejection---and dealing with it. And while it is a parent’s instinct to protect their child, sometimes you must allow them to trip and fall so they may learn how to get back up…

The woman remained unconvinced.

 And my road to finding a date for the Snow Ball was not a highway. When an ice storm struck the day of the dance, it was postponed. The escort I had secured was not available for the rescheduled event—he had to go back to school—in Nebraska. And so I was forced to ask the son of my parent’s friends to escort me---which was awkward on too many levels.

And even though Susan Gleeson went on to wear the queen’s crown, Tommy and I still had fun at the dance (the pre-game helped).

And as each of my own daughters navigated through the whole date dance process, I let the chips fall where they may—even when it was difficult. I knew it wasn’t my job to intervene--- even though I really wanted to.  I knew it was something they had to work on or at themselves. They were better, not worse for the wear.

They would survive—in spite of or because of the drama.

Because lessons learned avert a lessened learn.