My Lord and Taylor Black Card

I love love love Lord and Taylor. And Lord and Taylor really loves me. Lord and Taylor loves me so much they sent me a black card. A minimum yearly expenditure is required for its issuance. That’s why they sent it to me. And I am not embarrassed to say that my brand new Lord and Taylor black card arrived in January, and by mid-February I had met that yearly minimum. Think about it—I met my yearly minimum 6 weeks after Christmas.

So let me tell you why the black Lord and Taylor card is particularly special. First of all, it is black (the most universally flattering color). Secondly, the fact that I have one and others do not makes me feel cool. I am special. I tread were only few other shoppers go. I no longer need sale coupons.

Before I received my black card I would have to remember to bring my sale coupons to the store. And I am just not a coupon person. There is too much commitment involved and I don’t always like planning when I go shopping. I am a more spontaneous shopper. I like to be out and about and think hmm maybe I’ll stop in Lord and Taylor and see what’s new. And formerly, pre-black card, if I went to Lord and Taylor and I forgot my coupon two things would happen: either I would have to beg like a homeless person in a Manhattan subway if I could borrow someone else’s coupon, or I would have to buy the items without the discounted price and then bring it all back for a price adjustment. And while I didn’t mind begging people for a coupon in the store, I was never going to go through the bother of a price adjustment.

But possessing a black card is even more joyous than not needing coupons. A black card enables me to get reductions on excluded items like my beloved Michael Kors (by the way he must love me too). And while that would be joyous enough, the fact that the salesperson treats me like a rock star when I whip it out and then announces to the customers behind me that I get sales reductions on excluded items thus inducing jealousy amongst them, keeps me going back for more. I am an official Lord and Taylor black card crackhead. I get a rush every time I swipe that glorious piece of plastic.

I had to buy some last minute gifts a day or two before Christmas last year. My daughter Kara was with me. One of the saleswomen came over and hugged and kissed me and wished me a Merry Christmas. My daughter remarked: Mom. That’s ridiculous. If the saleswomen are hugging you and wishing you a Merry Christmas you really need to find something else to do. And then I said Yeah. Well. That woman presold me your BCBG dress before the presale when she wasn’t supposed to just because I am such a good customer. So don’t judge me.

Sometimes as a mother you need to teach your children what is really important in life—like the benefits of excessive shopping and having a husband who pays the bill and says nothing.