Cosmetic Surgery

I am of an age where it is not unusual for me to bump into a contemporary and notice that they somehow look “refreshed.” Clearly they have had “some work.” Their face has been surgically “retouched.” But it is with equal opportunity that I bump into a contemporary and think Oh my God what the hell have you done to your face? Their new look just doesn’t look so good.

When I had periodontal surgery I was allergic to the inert packing that no one is supposed to be allergic to and my tongue swelled like a knockwurst. When I came out of gastrointestinal surgery the plastic identification bracelet scratched my cornea when I raised my arms up. When I had a GI series and the consequence of consuming the barium was constipation I nearly dehydrated from diarrhea. I was also born with only 3 wisdom teeth instead of 4 and I have 2 renal arteries on my left kidney  instead of one. I am that person.  I am proof that every “body” is different.

Which is why I fear messing around with my aging looks. I am afraid that if I even inject even a bit of Botox or Restylane I may not recognize the image in the mirror looking back at me—and not in a good way either. I fear the “after” will be more displeasing than the “before.” My eyelids will droop and the filler will lump up like cottage cheese---not to mention the ever popular over-botoxed frozen face syndrome. And worse, I fear if more invasive procedures are done—like an eyelift—I will end up with that “permanently surprised” aghast expression.

I mentioned in one of my blog posts not too long ago that I lacked the skills to post photos on Facebook. My friend Betsy kindly emailed me directions. She also added that I should never post any photos on the internet without retouching them first. She boasted that Photoshop can do wonders in improving natural flaws.

And so I got to thinking—wouldn’t it be amazing if one could apply Photoshop to oneself before leaving the house in the morning? Imagine what the world would look like if every person appeared like their retouched profile picture on Facebook? There would no longer be a need for cosmetic surgery. And even things like cleft palates could be redrawn and digitalized. The world would truly be a beautiful place.

But unfortunately bottles of liquid Photoshop have not been invented yet.  So I am forced to choose between the needle (or knife) and some L’Oreal Age perfecting makeup with retinol A. And I will choose the makeup--- because it is not that I fear cosmetic surgery, it is that I fear bad cosmetic surgery. And I can always require that people remove their reading glasses so close-up  my flaws are blurred. That is how God compensates for fleeting beauty—he makes us farsighted with age.