Frozen Treat-Colored Golf Shirts

I like men in golf shirts that are the color of Italian ices: lemon, raspberry, lime, tangerine and blueberry. I think the colors look fresh and cool in the summertime. And I am not alone in my belief. My husband reports that on causal Fridays the women in his office often compliment him on his attire. His frozen treat colored shirts are a hit. And when the ladies tell him how handsome he looks, it is a reward in itself.

Not too long ago one of my husband’s golf buddies told me how it is all the rage at the club  for men to wear Under Armour golf shirts. But the very thought of the men I know wearing such clingy sportwear that shows every body imperfection not to mention every drop of sweat, robbed me of my appetite.

There are very few men who can wear Under Armour attire well. It is designed for tall lean athletic bodies---like Tiger Woods—not Phil Michelson or John Daly.

And Sunday morning when I woke up I saw a new golf shirt wrapped in plastic left on the couch in my bedroom. It was from the pro shop at the club.

I approached it cautiously.

It was the color of digested bile—greenish brown. And the fabric was Under Armour-esque with a tone on tone horizontal knit striped pattern.

 It was heinous.

I contemplated the shirt’s demise while my husband was still on the golf course. This was a topic I had to approach strategically—I did not want to insult my husband’s taste in clothing nor did I want to infer that his physique would not be showcased by the garment.

So when he came home I simply said You know how you enjoy when the ladies in the office compliment you when you wear all those golf shirts I got you? And he said yes—waiting for the shoe to drop. And I continued well I am pretty sure that if you wear the new golf shirt I saw you bought upstairs it will not illicit the same response.

And he laughed and said Are you telling me that I should bring it back? And I said well only if you want to keep the ladies happy—me being one of them.

Sometimes humor is the best avenue to success---especially when it is coupled with vanity. And knowing where to tickle a spouse’s funny bone is just as important as knowing his favorite flavor of Italian ice.