Mitt's Mate

I was watching the Olympics the other day when it was interrupted by a special report. Mitt Romney was announcing his vice-presidential candidate. And when Paul Ryan’s name was broadcasted, I had two thoughts—the first was Isn’t Paul Ryan the guy that proposed some talked-about bill in Congress that never got passed? And the second thought was Wow Romney and Ryan both have aggressive heads of hair. They can both do Grecian formula commercials in the event their campaign fails.

I once read that the Monica Lewinsky scandal shifted the way Americans viewed politics. Within the realm of political issues, post Bill Clinton, minutiae became substantive. We view candidates through the lens of Entertainment Tonight.

In the fall of Samantha’s senior year at Lehigh University, Barack Obama came to speak. It was a presidential year--2008. Pennsylvania was a swing state. And candidates fought for every vote—especially on college campuses.

And during this same time period farther northwest in Pennsylvania, the Republicans held a political rally just outside of Lewisburg. So my daughter Briana went with her two Bucknell University friends to hear Sarah Palin speak---not because they were linked in politically, but because one of the girls needed to attend the rally for a political science course she was taking.

And when I asked Briana, who had been hand plucked from the throng of people to sit behind Sara Palin such that Briana came to be televised on CNN, every primetime news program, and even The View, how the speech was? She answered that Sarah Palin’s high heel boots were awesome—as was her suit. Palin was impeccably dressed. And as for the speech—Briana found herself too distracted by the assemblage of tea party Central Pennsylvanians to comment.

We base our voting decisions partially on the real issues like the direction of the economy and Roe vs. Wade, but also on who we would like to hang out with if given the opportunity. We project which candidate would have been our friend in middle or high school, and then we take it from there. We try to determine which candidate is more like us.

Which is why I am not shocked at all about the prime-time revelations about Mitt Romney’s running mate. The Republicans are pandering to the E! News mentality. We have learned that Paul Ryan is a proponent of the P90X workout. He has a six pack of abdominal muscles lying underneath his fitted (albeit stuffed) shirt. And his wife Janna wears dresses from Kohl’s.

Based on this newsworthy data I must cast my vote—which may backfire on the Republicans. I must decide if given the opportunity would  I want to hang out with an exercise fiend and his dowdily dressed Stepford wife?

I would have preferred knowing if Ryan has nerves, rather than abs of steel.

Because this is what politics has become: The Fashion Police instead of Face the Nation. And it is all because of a trail of blue-light stains on a little black Gap dress. Politically speaking, it’s the minutia-turned-substantive that inquiring minds want to know.