Provoked Dog Bites

When I was 12 years old I was attacked and bitten by a German Sheppard. It was completely unprovoked. The dog, who was leached at the time, decided that I looked like a snack.

I believe in zero tolerance for unprovoked dog bites. But I also believe in humans deserving bites when they provoke a dog, or show absolutely no common sense.

Wheaten Terriers have the ability to jump 6 feet high from a standing position. And up until Jasper was too old to do so, he jumped in front of my full-glass door with regularity if anyone approached it. It was fierce behavior. And unless one had a deficient IQ, they would be completely intimidated—the jumping and barking evoked at the minimum---suspenseful concern.

One day when I wasn’t home, and Jasper was still a very young dog, a Fed Ex man came to deliver a package. And Blanca, who was the only one in residence, did not lock the storm door. And despite seeing my crazy terrier jumping like a pogo stick, the fed-ex man still thought it was a good idea to open the door to place the package inside my house.

Jasper, who weighed 55 lbs at the time, flew out the door, jumped up, and with his paw deeply scratched the man’s abdomen.

The Garden City police came and accused the delivery man of perpetuating a scam—aimed at me (lawsuit) or at his employer (worker’s compensation)---or being just plain old stupid. In either case no citation was issued.

When Jasper was in his middle years an errant lacrosse ball flew into my back yard. A boy, who happened to be friends with my daughter, decided against the advice of his friends to retrieve it. And so he came into my yard even though Jasper was barking at him. And when the boy chose to extend his hand to pet Jasper, Jasper nipped him.

And I called the Mom—completely upset and fearful that I may have to put Jasper down. But the mother told me not to worry about it. Jasper had done her son a favor. She hoped her son would finally get the hint that not all dogs are friendly and that you should never pet a dog without the owner’s permission—let alone trespass into someone’s yard.

There was a girl on one of my daughters’ teams. The girl was in an athletic funk. And when she came to my door one day when I was not home, somehow Jasper, who was in his later years at this point, got out and grazed the girl’s hand with his teeth. The wound, while it drew blood, was superficial. And after the placement of a Band-Aid, the two girls continued on to practice.

I feared the phone confrontation with the mother. I knew the Mom to be externally fragile, but suspected beneath the porcelain veneer lied a Tiger Mom. I prepared myself for some passive aggression. Yet I was conflicted—Jasper on one hand had not bitten the girl full on and had backed off once they made contact, but on the other hand, the girl it appeared hadn’t invited the wound.

So I opened the conversation with the mother by offering to pay for any medical expenses—of which there were none—the girl had not been brought to the pediatrician—there was no need. But I still feared that this woman believed Jasper was a menace to society and needed to be put down—and human safety is something I could wrap my brain around. But what became clear in the most roundabout way was that the Mom thought Jasper was the genesis of her daughter’s faltering play and that is why she implied Jasper might need to be put down.

And now I was the dog provoked--because her daughter had been stumbling athletically prior to the incident—my dog had nothing to do with it. And I was going to be God-damned if I was going to permit my daughters’ childhood pet be put down over athletic statistics.

So I passively aggressively said something like You can’t possibly be asking me to put Jasper down because of competitive play? You are so sweet and kind I can’t imagine you would want to inflict such cruelty on my daughter—especially at such a critical juncture in her life. I am sure nothing like this will ever happen like this again.

And the woman backed off. And Jasper lived more years after this incident than was ever predicted—without further incident.

And now I have Cosmo, my gentle Goldendoodle, who even if provoked, would never bite a human.    It’s just not in his nature. It means that if someone hurts him, I will have to be the one who bites back--he is too submissive to protect himself. And there is a reason the teeth next to a human’s incisors are called canines—they are for tearing flesh--and I would have no qualm about using them if provoked.

Sometimes biting must come from the hand doing all the feeding.