Birthday Thoughts

Birthdays are a time of introspection. It’s a day to ponder Am I leading a meaningful existence? What have I accomplished (on all levels) since last year?

And formerly I expected gifts and platitudes to answer my existential questions—they were the measures of my worth.

I expected affirmation from outside myself.

I expected others to make me feel special.

And so disappointment always stood suited-up at the sidelines—waiting to be called into the game. Because even the best gifts and accolades were not always big enough to fill the birthday void. Often times others did not validate me to expectation.

But I have had an epiphany.

My expectations are off.

I need an attitude adjustment. My worth is not a value others place upon me. My worth is how I perceive myself. I determine the pricetag.

   

Which isn’t to say I do not enjoy birthday gifts or  well wishes-- I do. I delight in receiving  new “things.” I have just come to realize that what I really want for my birthday is not a gift anyone can give me—it is something I can only give to myself.

And I am accomplished. And I am loved. And I am still here. And that is good.

And I am going to celebrate—and be grateful.