Mommy. I Had a Bad Dream.

I have 3 daughters.  My friend Susan has 2 sons. One of our favorite topics of discussion is how uncommunicative sons are and how overly communicative daughters can be.

Sometimes I think I could stand my girls being a little less communicative—particularly when they ask me things way outside of my range of knowledge. When they were little I told them Mommies see and know everything— a creepy scare tactic to keep them in line. But as they are now 20, 22, and 24 years of age you would have thought by this point that they would have figured out that I am not omniscient nor can I solve every problem. And not only am I unable to solve all their problems, even if I had the capacity, I just don’t want to anymore. It’s too exhausting. Not to mention thankless.

Recently my eldest daughter Samantha emailed me from work. The email read something like this:

Mom. I am having a lot of dreams about being barefoot. I googled barefoot dreams and one site says barefoot dreams represent feeling carefree and independent. The other website says barefoot dreams represent feelings of inadequacy and unpreparedness. Which one am I?

I am not kidding. This was the pressing issue she took time out for in her busy day at work to discuss with me. And the thing is, not only did she genuinely expect me to know the answer, she expected me to tell her immediately. And while I have watched a lot of Dr. Phil, what do I know about what her barefoot dreams mean? Maybe she’s wearing socks to bed and her feet are warm and subconsciously she just wants to be barefoot.  Maybe being barefoot means she subconsciously just wants to buy a new pair of sandals. I don’t know.

But what I do know for sure is that no matter what meaning I do think her dreams represent, it will be met with strong opposition. If I say her dreams represent feeling carefree, she will argue No I am not. I am so stressed. Don’t you know how stressed I am. How can you say I am carefree? I am not carefree. Why do you think I am carefree? Do I act carefree? I am definitely not carefree.

Conversely, if I tell her her dreams represent feeling inadequate and unprepared she will say are you calling me unprepared? I am not unprepared. I am always prepared. That’s why I am stressed. I am always prepared.

I learned a long time ago to recognize a trap. And this was about as lose-lose as it gets. So I took the easy way out. I told her both dream interpretations were accurate depending on the day. When she was having a good day, her barefoot dreams meant she was feeling carefree and independent. When she was having a bad day, her barefoot dreams meant she was feeling unprepared and inadequate. And I am proud to say, she was satisfied. No arguments either.

Maybe omniscience isn't defined by infinite volumes of facts and data. Maybe omniscience is just always knowing how and when to step around a landmine.