Snacktime at Elissa's

Sometimes when Sam comes home from the city she brings me a special treat—Melissa’s Sweets—baby cupcakes. Cupcakes are wonderful in of themselves but these are so much more distinctive—they are about the size of a half dollar and they are baked in a variety of flavors. I don’t just have one favorite—I have a few: cinnamon, chocolate chip pancake with maple frosting, and red velvet.

On my first day of seventh grade in my new school (we had just moved), I walked home with Elissa-- my new friend. And just before I went into my house she asked me if I wanted to “come up for snack.” Elissa lived quite literally “up” from my house—a huge hill separated us. And although I didn’t quite know what she meant by “for snack”--she was a new friend and I was happy that she had extended an invitation-- and so I said yes.

And I walked up to Summit Terrace (Elissa’s street which was very aptly named) and across the wooden planked ramp that connected the terraced garden to the path that led to her door. And I knocked on the redwood screen door and was greeted by Mary, her mother. And she said go sit down at the table with the other kids:  Elissa, her younger sister Nina, and Elissa’s brother Paul. The table was set with real dishes and glasses. “Snack” in Elissa’s house was a sit down event. It was a post school sharing—and it was orchestrated by Elissa’s mother who struck me as a lot like Donna Reed with her warm demeanor and sleeveless shift dress. Mary had baked 36 Duncan Hines yellow cupcakes with vanilla frosting for this late afternoon gathering. I thought I had died and gone to 1950’s television heaven. And I turned to Elissa and asked Do you do this everyday or just because this is the first day of school? And she said Oh we do this everyday.

This was amazing. This was wonderful. Mary sat down with all of us kids and we all talked about our day. And despite the fact that it only took a short time to eat a cupcake and drink some milk or soda, we were in no rush to get off the table. Everyone genuinely enjoyed everyone else’s company and everyone listened as each kid, including me, recollected our day’s events. And once everyone had decompressed, Mary excused us, and we each went about our business.

I never baked cupcakes before my kids came home from school but I made sure we always had “snack.” I baked Aunt Jemima coffee cake or cornbread or Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. Sometimes I made hot pretzels. And on the days I didn’t have time for baking we had Eggo waffles or Pepperidge Farm cinnamon french toast with the crusts cut off. But there was always something freshly prepared. And I always made a point of having my three girls and I sit down all together after school to relax and discuss our day. It was a well needed recharging. It was the respite before the homework. And I learned it all from Mary—my “other” mother.

And every time I eat a Duncan Hines cupcake or one of Melissa’s Sweets I think of Mary and Elissa and her entire family—the Healys’ and Coneses’ too-- who always treated me like one of their own. And I am grateful for the things they taught me about family---because family isn’t just about DNA-- it’s about the love you share and the time you spend—it’s about cupcakes and conversation and long walks home.