If Mama Ain't Happy.....

When my oldest daughter was born I received a gift—it was a framed country style needle-stitched work that said If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. And I think that that philosophy was true in the generation preceding mine. Mothers set the emotional tone of the household. When mothers were stressed or discontent, a chill ensued. The children backed off—they kept quiet and tolerated the storm. In the generation before mine, mothers ruled their motherly world.

My generation chose a different path. We understood the gravitas of parental engagement. We chose to deal with emotions and things therapeutically. We invested ourselves in our children’s lives and emotions to a much greater extent that our own parents ever did. No topic was taboo. We allowed our children to be their own person and to be critical thinkers. We urged our progeny to share their thoughts. We encouraged them to voice their opinions.

And as parents to these “filled with self-esteem” free-thinking children, we put our own emotions and needs secondary to theirs. Their needs were always first. We were the don’t ask what your children can do for you, ask what you can do for your children generation. We concerned ourselves at all times with their state of well-being. We cheered them on during every crisis. We anticipated negative responses and worked tirelessly to maintain contentment.

We created a world where if the chil’ren ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

And that would be fine except it means my generation has never been allowed to be unhappy--ever. Our mothers never let us be unhappy and neither do our children. We have screwed ourselves. All our lives we have had to back off,  keep quiet and tolerate the storm. In our world, If mama ain’t happy, nobody  cares. We have lost our entitlement.

Which is why when my mother tells me What you do for me your children will do you I laugh out loud every time. My Mama don’t know nothin’. I will rot in the nursing home without a single visitor—and the only comfort I will have is all my friends will be lying in the beds next to me—and they won’t have a single visitor either.

And when that time comes I will say: if Grandma ain’t happy, she can call the nurse’s aide.