Innocence vs. Ugliness

My locker-mate in high school  was a sweet sweet girl. She was tall and slightly full figured-- not fat. The girl had untamed flaming red curly hair and freckles. She also had a full uni-brow and an auburn downy mustachio.

She was forbidden to shave her legs, or to wear make-up or fashionable clothing. Her mother’s intent was to keep her daughter innocent.

What her mother did in fact was, to keep her ugly.

And because this sweet girl was so physically unsightly, she became an object of ridicule. Her classmates teased her incessantly. They called her not-so-nice names.

It was very sad.

Her mother may have been successful in keeping the boys away but she kept everyone else away as well. The damage to her daughter’s ego was irreparable---too big a price to pay. Her mother made her daughter a target—it was akin in my world to child abuse. Because had the girl been allowed to groom herself by straightening her hair, tweezing her eyebrows, waxing her upper lip and wearing just a touch of blush and mascara she would have been of more than average looks--- and just as importantly, blended in with her peers—and not in any way over-sexualized as feared by her mother.

There is such a thing as age-appropriate grooming. And I believe it is a mother’s duty to institute and oversee it. It is a mother’s duty to teach her daughter the importance of maintaining a certain level of physical appearance if for no other reason it will give the child’s classmates less to talk about.

In a perfect world young girls would not be made fun of for uni-brows, mustaches and hairy legs—but we do not live in a perfect world.

And in wasn’t too long ago that I sat in June Nail getting a manicure when  a mother came into the salon and began screaming at the owner for giving an eyebrow waxing to her 15 year old daughter without the mother’s permission. I knew the mother—she was ultra-conservative—Mormon-esque. And I knew the daughter too. The daughter was a nice kid—she was not looking to become a harlot—she was looking to appear more feminine.

And when the mother left the salon I reassured the owner that she had done nothing wrong---but rather had done a good thing---she had allowed a 15 year old girl feel better about herself.

Innocence does not necessitate ugliness. And neither does age-appropriate grooming render you “loose.” And understanding the difference is key to good parenting.