Unencumbered vs. Unfiltered Thoughts

A very good friend of mine did not grow up in New York or any of its suburbs. As a consequence she approaches life pragmatically—and more simply.

I like that.

And not too long ago when I was with her at lunch she suggested a solution to my life’s complaints. Her solution was invaluable.

And when I got home I emailed her to thank her for lunch and I added something to the effect that I well appreciated her always unencumbered view on things.

But when I saw her again she asked with concern what I had meant—she wondered: did mean to say unfiltered? Because speaking without  a filter is something she feared she may do on occasion.

And I said no---there is a difference between unfiltered and unencumbered thoughts. An unfiltered thought is a knee jerk response that escapes the brain’s sensory system—there is no self-governing FCC at work. Unfiltered thoughts are uncaring to the consequences (usually negative) of the spoken words. Unfiltered thoughts are abrasive and often hurtful.

But unencumbered thoughts involve deductive reasoning—they are thoughts which are not distracted by inconsequential data. Unencumbered thoughts get to the heart of the matter with no ill feelings—they are reason-dependent yet never offensive.

And I gave an example. I reminded her that when she had returned from Lehigh with her son after a college visit I asked her what the area was like surrounding the university. Her answer was Southside Bethlehem reflects the economic downturn of the steel industry. It was a completely unencumbered response. But if she would have said Southside Bethlehem is a sh**hole, it would have been an example of an unfiltered thought.

And even though both descriptions of Bethlehem would have projected the town as poverty stricken—the unencumbered view was much more informational and was in no way offensive. The unfiltered view of the town—not so much.

Which is why speaking unencumbered thoughts is something I aspire to. So when a daughter of mine asks me in the dressing room how do I look in this? I will often say the nature of the fabric and cut of that dress gives unflattering lines. And my daughter will then say with annoyance Are you saying my ass looks big?

Sometimes even when you speak unencumbered thoughts they are heard with unfiltered ears.