Black Tie Optional

I knew the invitation was coming. And when it arrived it did not disappoint—it was elegant. And so I scanned for the primary piece of information: the venue—which was very very very upscale. And then I located the most important tidbit of information: the attire--- which said black tie optional.

Of the three choices: black tie, black tie preferred or black tie optional, it is the latter that causes me consternation.

I am comfortable with black tie---by definition it requires all men wear a tuxedo and all women adorn themselves in formal splendor—long gowns and beads. It means that I can easily figure out what to wear—it is something I might already have it in my closet.

I am also comfortable with black tie preferred. Because  that infers that the hosts really really wish that you to be dressed to the nines but are accommodating Uncle Ned and Aunt Millie who will not attend if they cannot chose something hideously outdated  and slightly inappropriate that they purchased long ago and yet still want to get another wearing out of. Black tie preferred means that that scale will be tipped towards the very formal---the overwhelming majority will be in black tie--which also means that I can easily figure out what to wear and I might already have it in my closet.

But black tie optional is a conundrum---attire may range from office wear to the red carpet. So I will not know where my level of formality should lie within the population of attending guests until I arrive at the event when it is too late to change.

I prefer a smaller window—more direction--I neither want to be over or under dressed. 

And I don’t do LBD’s in the month of May—which is the month of the event--because I have my own rules about little black dresses. I never wear solid black to a wedding in the spring or summer---it reminds me too much of a funeral.

And so I must keep my eyes peeled for something that looks optional—a dress that is above knee, not black, very dressy, but not too formal. It need be not too understated but not too blingy. It will also need to look NYC chic as the venue is in Manhattan. And a little bit of skin is okay but I must be mindful that the boss and his wife will be in attendance. I also must be age appropriate—not dress like a Housewife of  Orange County or a Golden Girl. And finally the dress must look and yet not be expensive.

It will be a lot of work.

Attire is easier for a man—they may wear the same outfit whether it is black tie, black tie preferred or black tie optional. All men have to do is pull their tux from the back of the closet and decide the color of their pocket-square.

And if they are lucky, like my husband, they won’t be doing that either—they will have their stylist a.k.a. their wife doing it for them.