Is Sharing Caring?

When I was a freshman at Manhattan College, my cousin Rich was a senior. One day he pulled me aside from the crowd and did something that he had done since he was a little boy: he covertly offered me a piece of gum and then swore me not to tell anyone where I got it from.

He did not want to share.

There was a debate on the news last week about a Montessori school that imposed a strict no sharing policy—and not just about food as it relates to allergies. No. This policy stated that no child was mandated to share a toy or book or even a solitary crayon with anyone if they do not wish to.

It flew in the face of the Mr. Rodgers-esque sharing is caring—or share and share alike philosophy of early childhood learning. It seemed contrary to what all children are taught.

The school based its policy on the premise that every child is entitled to their own private time and private space. They added that forced sharing is a kind of bullying—and that instead of teaching charity, forced sharing taught entitlement and instant gratification. They also felt that learning to say “no” for a child was also an important life skill.

I do not think they are off base.

Children need to wait their turn. It teaches patience. It’s okay to want to play alone sometimes.

As with everything in this world, it’s about intent—deciding whether sharing is about altruism or about control. Intervention is required therefore on a case-by-case basis.

And I did not tell anyone from whom I acquired my piece of gum. I protected my source. I kept my supply secret. Because everyone has the right to distribute their gum to whomever they like—without guilt.

And my cousin grew up to be a very generous man—particularly with his family. But even so, I suspect he still kind-of hoards his gum and tic-tacs--- as is his right.