Parent-Teacher Conferences

For most people Election Day signifies the obvious—it is the day one exercises their constitutional right to elect an official. For others, it is a big sale day- an excuse to spend more money. But for me, election day always signaled one thing—parent teacher conferences.

And even though my girls were excellent students they were not fond of full disclosure---especially in high school. There was always at least one child who neglected to tell me something.

And in particular it was not uncommon for one of Briana’s teachers to say to me:            

Wow Briana did so well on this very difficult exam---most of the other kids did so poorly. But on her next exam, which was much much easier, she just did not score very well—in fact she did quite poorly.  Perhaps it was so easy she over-thought her answers? I just don’t know what happened here?

And I would think I know exactly what happened there. And then I would ask the teacher Do you drop the lowest test grade? And the teacher would say Yes Mrs. Ciccone—don’t worry—that low score won’t hurt her. And I would smile and say thank you. Secretly I would think I am going to kill that kid when I get home.

Here’s the thing: teachers with the best of intentions allow their students to drop the lowest test grade. It is an opportunity for success. I believe that that is a good and fair policy for students—or more accurately-- I believe it is a good and fair policy for all students but Briana. When Briana heard the teacher say I drop the lowest test score Briana heard I am giving you a free pass on one exam not to study.  And while she didn’t try to do poorly, once per grading quarter, she took a vacation day from studying--understanding full well there was a safety net to catch her. It was a tactical decision. It peeved me. Teachers did not construct the safety net for that purpose. And I wasn’t sure if praise or criticism was appropriate for her discovering the loophole.

There is an educational myth that postulates that if your child is not experiencing difficulty or having an issue in the classroom then you should relinquish your parent teacher conference time slot for someone else more deserving. I never bought into that. How would I know my child was or was not having difficulty unless I spoke with the teacher? How would I know about forgotten homework or class participation? How would I know how skilled my child could be at manipulating the grading system if I did not have a face to face conference with the teacher? And why wouldn’t I want to hear over and over again Mrs. Ciccone you have such a lovely daughter(s)! Hearing those words validated why I put so much effort into my parenting—there were some years I really needed to hear that just for my own sanity.        It was the only proof I had of my success. And if nothing else--- hearing those words of teacher praise justified my payment of school taxes---I paid thousands of tax dollars to hear what a pleasure it was to have a Ciccone girl in their classroom.