Sorting out Sorority World

When I entered Manhattan College in 1978 there were no sororities. The school had only recently become coed so the female population was not large enough to warrant one. So I had no real understanding of Greek life but for my male friends who were in fraternities and my watching the movie Animal House.

When Sam—my oldest daughter began looking at colleges, she seemed to gravitate towards schools that had a sorority and fraternity system. I was concerned. I questioned the social structure and  consequences of Greek life.

But Samantha ended up at Lehigh and accepted a bid from Alpha Chi Omega. And even though Sam was excited at the prospect of Greek life I remained skeptical. If nothing else I was confused with the new language she spoke—I needed to learn about “rushing” and “bumping” and “pref-ing” and “bigs.”

Early in the pledging process I asked Sam what she had planned for the upcoming weekend. And she excitedly said On Saturday night I have my first 4-way. I felt immediate panic—it sounded like a ménage a trois plus one. Was she being forced into some sick sexual hazing practice?

But I thought maybe I had misheard her so I gently said  I think your cell phone went out a little bit just now—what did you say you were doing on Saturday night?. And she repeated herself: I have my first 4-way . And I fell silent. And Sam noticed my silence and said What’s wrong? And I responded with You have a 4-way on Saturday? And she said Yes--Why? What are you getting so freaked out about? What do you think a 4-way is?  So to be sly I answered her question with a question and said What do you think a 4-way is? And she said it’s a party between 2 sororities and 2 fraternities. So I said with atonement  Oh. Okay. Never mind.

And when she told me later on that she was going to a hotel party before her “anything but clothes” party I did not jump to conclusions. I knew better. I asked her to clarify. It didn’t mean anyone was going to the Holiday Inn Express to play pin the tail on the donkey first—it meant that alcoholic beverages were being served  in several sequential  rooms prior to the “registered” party. And the required attire for the party’s entrance could not be made from fabric—which is why Samantha wore a dress she made herself from newspaper and duct tape.

And despite Briana and Kara also joining panhellic groups in college (Alpha Chi Omega and Kappa Kappa Gamma) the fact that I had no personal knowledge of Greek life was a detriment---it was a world I could only appreciate by proxy. Its structure and nomenclature was and still  is unfamiliar. Which is why my understanding remains incomplete—it is a world that will forever be Greek to me.