Gay. Fine by Me.

We are a gay friendly household. In fact there has been times in my marriage where I have looked at my husband and thought that except for the sex part, I could be a lesbian. Except for the sex part I could live with either Ellen Degeneres or Portia DeRossi. .

 Men can be that annoying.

Not too long ago I bumped into a former Garden City school employee. I had not seen her for a long while. She looked good—a bit grayer but all and all she was well. She asked me about my girls and then I asked her about her children. I had always liked her candor when it came to her own kids—which is why we got along so well. She was a Mom who just happened to also be an educator.

And she told me that her children were fine and in particular, she was happy to tell me that her daughter was in a serious relationship. And I said oh that’s wonderful! And she said yes but let me explain.

Her daughter was always interested in theater arts. She went to an all-girl high school. She went to the prom without a date. The daughter attended an all-female liberal arts college. I knew the school by reputation to be socially inclusive. None of the daughter’s girlfriends had boyfriends.

And the Mom and her husband resigned themselves to the fact that their daughter was gay. They accepted it. Despite the fact that they were devout Catholics they believed that it was their duty as parents to love their child unconditionally. And both parents went as far as to research all the right things to do and say when their child finally exited the closet. Neither parent wanted to make their daughter’s “coming out” uncomfortable—they wanted to support her.

And the Mom noticed that the daughter who still lived at home post college graduation was getting phone calls and then running to her bedroom. And the daughter was becoming increasingly vague about who she was hanging out with. And the mother surmised that the daughter had a girlfriend and that the daughter wasn’t prepared yet to tell her parents.

Until one day when the daughter said Mom and Dad there is something I need to tell you. And the parents braced themselves—they knew what was coming. And the daughter said I have been seeing someone and I did not want to tell you because I was afraid that you were not going to approve—especially since you are so involved in the church. I was afraid of disappointing you. And the parents looked to each other in support and the Mom said you know that your father and I love you and we will always support you. There is nothing you can say or do that will disappoint us. And the daughter said well the guy that I am seeing isn’t Catholic. And the Mom looked at the Dad and said the guy she is seeing is not Catholic. And the parents got giddy. The parents did not see this one coming at all.

I have a male relative that is impeccably neat. He loves decorating. He is not into sports. He is always well dressed. He told me that sometimes people suspected he was gay. He is not. He described himself to me once as a gay man who just happened to be heterosexual.

We live in a world where the lines are blurred. Sometimes the math does not add up. And sometimes when it does, the answer is still wrong. Sometimes the gay-dar gets jammed. And it can mess with a parent’s good intentions---it can mess with a parent’s dream. The educator dreamed of a wedding with 2 brides—a daughter and a daughter-in-law. And now she will have to settle for a generic family—a wedding with one bridal gown and one tuxedo---a relationship that she will not have to defend to the church. Sometimes just when you think you have it all figured out, life throws you a curveball--or in this case a straight-ball.  Life can be so unfair that way.