Figuring out Facebook-ing

I have started warming up to Facebook even though I was a reluctant joiner. It enables me to announce my blog postings instead of potentially annoying people by emailing it to them directly. And I must admit, the little things that people post do make me feel more connected. And I giggle at times over the funny things and feel sad when I heard about people’s losses. But there is still a lot to it that I do not understand—and I do not mean technically—although that too is a problem.

My friend Kathy and I were commiserating over the fact that we don’t know when it is okay to comment on things and when it is not. How many comments are too many? Is there a daily quota? Is it a percentage directly proportional to your total number of Facebook friends? I have been told that over-commenting deems you a loser—it makes you look as if all you do all day is read Facebook. My friend Kathy makes it a practice to never comment on any newsfeed—that way she can avoid criticism.  But if you never comment does that make you look anti-social? Too good for yourself to comment? It’s all so confusing.

Because many of my Facebook friends are simply that—more than acquaintances but less than actual friends. So when I read the newsfeed and I read something that interests me, and the person who wrote it is more of an acquaintance than a true friend, I wonder is it wrong for me to give an opiniont? I just don’t know.

And then there is the generation gap. My nieces and nephew and children and some of their friends are also my Facebook friends. They post things that may or may not be appropriate for me to see or read. I feel sometimes when they post pictures and I view them that I am invading their privacy even though what they have posted is public. I feel like a creeper. I feel like I have just gone through their medicine cabinet or underwear drawers. I feel like I have to take a shower.

When it was my birthday, all my Facebook friends knew about it. And I loved getting all the “Happy Birthday” comments. It was 100% better than getting a card in many ways—I got the recognition without the excess paper—it was a very green thing to do. But no one taught me about Facebook etiquette. I thought that since people were nice enough to post on my wall I should acknowledge it individually. It seemed proper. So after every “Happy Birthday” I made a “thumbs up.” And when I saw my children later in the evening they laughed at me and called me a tool. They said I was supposed to post a public thank you the day after my birthday. They accused me of overusing the “thumbs up” button. Apparently I had committed a Facebook misdemeanor—comment abuse—and it was punishable by intense ridicule. But seriously, how was I supposed to know that?

I think there should be an Emily Post Guide to Facebook Etiquette. I would totally read it. And I suspect many others would read it too. I just do not understand the rules. And not knowing the rules makes me uncomfortable. And since Facebook-ing is a solitary task there is no one for me to ask. I must navigate alone. And cyberspace is a really big place to travel without GPS.