Vanity Sizing

I grew up in an era that had a chubby clothing department for girls and a husky clothing department for boys. Fortunately I never wore clothing from the chubby girl section—I never experienced that humiliation. But trust me I was only a fried veal cutlet or two and an 8 oz glass of whole milk away from shopping there. I was always on the fuller side of normal as a child. I feared the chubby girl department. It was a source of ridicule. Children who had no choice but to shop there suffered miserably at the hands of the svelt children. Hell was a better place to be.

I bought a new dress the other day. It was a size zero. It is the first dress I have ever owned in that size. I bought it in Banana Republic—the monogram line. But do not be impressed by that number—I am not that thin or anorexic. My weight is unchanged—virtually since I am married. The number 0 on the dress does not equate with my actual size. And I can prove it. I have dresses in my closet upstairs on the 3^rd floor that are 25 years old—the tags say size 6—they fit more tightly than my new size 0 dress. And I have a classic dress of my mother’s—the tag says size 10. It fits me perfectly. So a size 0 in 2011 is actually a size 6 from 1985 which is a size 10 from 1960. Dress sizing is a scam.

This phenomenon is called vanity sizing. Clothing companies want people to feel good about the numbered size on the garment, so they change the numbering system to entice shoppers to make a purchase. If the size number is low enough, the ensuing elation will prompt a spending frenzy.

Formerly, clothing sizes ran from 2 through 18. Now clothing begins as low as 00 or XXS and stops dead at 14 or XXL. And clothing stores like Chico’s, where my mother shops, has its own crazy method. My mother has a pair of Chico’s jeans that are double reverse fit in a size 0.5 ---what does that even mean? A 0.5 sounds to me like she is wearing a half a pair of jeans: demi-pants.

And if you have ever tried on really high end European clothes, your pumped up vanity sized self esteem will immediately be deflated. For kicks I once tried on a Prada dress—I could not even get one thigh in it—it was that small. That size 0 dress from Banana Republic is probably a size 14 in Prada. It’s why one cannot ever believe a number on the tag. It is meaningless information. If it fits, buy it, if it doesn’t fit, don’t take it personally.

There are no longer chubby girl or husky boy departments for children anymore. Thank God. It’s one less thing children can be teased about. They say Marilyn Monroe wore a size 16 dress---but that was in the 1950’s. I am sure that would not be her size today. I am sure her size 16 would be downsized to a size 8. And if she wore spanx from head to toe she might even have been a size 6. Either way, size doesn’t matter—unless you are a porn star---or a spokesperson for Jenny Craig.