George Stepanopolis was interviewing Sara Jessica Parker on Good Morning America this morning. And he asked her if she missed playing Carrie—her character on Sex in the City. And she said no—she did not miss the character she played, what she missed was the company she kept.
The posting I wrote a while back on What I Do All Day got a big response—clearly it touched a nerve. I am often surprised to discover what is universally appealing. And I have given up predicting which posting I write will elicit a big response—I let the numbers on my blog dictate that information. Luckily numbers do not lie. And that particular posting not only racked up big numbers here in the United States, but also in Europe and Asia as well—apparently foreigners must also do the same things all day too.
So I decided to think about the topic even more—take the thought to the next level. What was it that made stay at home women feel compelled to go back into the workforce aside from monetary needs--particularly when the work they choose is something outside their passion? What was the driving thing that made household managers seek outside employment? Because although women use the excuse that staying at home is boring—the truth of the matter is I do not think that is it at all. There is always something to do or manage or follow up on when you are home. Being home is never boring. Even if I have not one household chore to do, I can always walk the dog if I want to do something productive.
No I think seeking outside employment (if not for monetary reasons) has nothing to do with boredom, and everything to do with loneliness. There is a lack of company to keep---no co-worker to complain to or about. There is no water cooler to gather around. There is no one but you to share your lunch with. Stay at home work is solitary.
And when the nest is empty there are even fewer members of your company to keep. It is why women with empty nests will complain how much they miss their children until the day the children actually come home. There is the problem of extremes—too much solitude when the brood is away and then too much company when the flock flies back home. There is an imperfect balance.
But what I have learned is that while staying at home is lonesome, it doesn’t have to be lonely. There is a difference between the two things. I have often felt lonely in a crowd of people—even when the crowd of people is familiar to me. And I rarely feel lonely when I am alone. I like being quiet with my thoughts. When I used to visit Sam or Briana at school I loved driving in the car by myself and the empty hotel room even more. I didn’t even mind the few times I went to dinner by myself. I think it made the other people in the restaurant uncomfortable though.
The trick to warding off loneliness when you are home “at work” is to create a social network. But it isn’t as easy as stepping into the employee’s lounge. You must create your own “lounge.” My “lounge” is my computer and Blackberry. I leave them on all day. And in between my chores, I receive and send emails. And my children either text or IM me nearly every day from work or from school. I “talk” to people all day long. And while there is no more solitary work than writing—the prize is that I now hear from people that I may not have heard from before on a pretty regular basis—they read my posts and respond. Maybe I keep them from feeling lonely— the visitation is mutual. Either way, I am connected more now than ever.
And I do understand when people say I hate my job but I love the people. The people often maintain people’s employment. The converse though is rarely true. People tend not to stay in jobs where they love the work but hate the people. Connections matter more than engagement. And I am lucky. I love both my job and “the people”---even if “the people” are not present to say God bless you when I sneeze. In the workforce, nothing is perfect.
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